The "I Hate Writing" Club

I am not a fan of writing right now. I think “liking” to do something comes from confidence in being able to do that something well. Practice and application increase competence, competence increases confidence, confidence determines whether one likes something or not. Generally speaking, we (I) tend to not like doing things I don’t see myself being good at. This is how I feel about writing at the doctoral level (and writing in general). I have not had enough practice, therefore feel incompetent. Because I feel I do not have the skills and ability to write at this level, I do not have confidence in producing quality writing; therefore I do not like it. Because I don’t like it, I avoid practicing (because you can’t tell me what to do :)), therefore I never get better. (How’s that for making a full circle?!) Also, because I have perfectionistic tendencies, I don’t like letting people watch me struggle along the way. Why can’t I just be good at everything?

I remember always telling my students that if they knew everything they wouldn’t be in my class. I am here to help them learn and master the things with which they struggle. I am great at giving advice and coaching others, but suck at taking my own. Yet now that I think about it, I was their safe place to fall—they trusted me completely. I don’t have that. Crap.

I am fantastic at talking—communicating orally. Why can’t I just give all my assignments and the dissertation as a PowerPoint? I can say it so much better than I can write it. I was a fantastic teacher after all—I can make ANY topic sound fascinating!

One of my main struggles in writing is trying to convey the feeling or tone with which I hear myself speaking to the readers. To me, scholarly writing is stuffy and lacks personality. How the heck do I make 20 pages, let alone a dissertation, sound interesting? I keep having to tell myself, “Good writing is meaningful writing.”

I even struggle with this blog! This is where I am suppose to express my thoughts and feelings as a doctoral student. Anyone who really knows me knows that my “feelings” are expressed through humor. I read the other blogs that are written so profoundly and think, “Should I be trying this?” Let’s remember, I struggle with writing scholarly and I struggle with talking about my feelings to complete strangers. Now you want me to put the two of them together?! (I laugh just thinking about it!) Sorry, Dudes. Anything profound that comes from this blog will be in the form of me making a joke about something. Be right back… I just Googled “profound thoughts.” Here are a few, so that I have met my quota for this blog:

• The journey of a thousand miles begins with a broken fan belt and leaky tire.
• It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's newspaper, that's the time to do it.
• Always remember that you're unique. Just like everyone else.
• Never test the depth of the water with both feet.
• If you think nobody cares if you're alive, try missing a couple of car payments.
• Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away - and you have their shoes.
• If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.
• Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish, and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.
• If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.
• If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.
• Some days you're the bug; some days you're the windshield.


The world is full of “necessary evils.” Scholarly writing is one I am going to have to face if I am to survive this program. Guess I’ll just start taking my own advice and, “Fake it ‘til I make it.”

I’ll try to be a bit more scholarly in my next post. Try.